Bringing Harley Bell home on April 30 was one of the best and scariest days of our lives. I had been counting down the days until we'd be discharged from the NICU and imagining life at home with her for so long. The hospital was getting old, really old. I couldn't wait to bring my baby home, show her the nursery, to take her for walks, to watch TV with her while she slept on me, and to just be "normal".
On Tuesday April 30th we waiting anxiously for the doctors and nurses to do their rounds. It had been 5 days since Harley had her last desaturation ( "desat" - oxygen levels are too low and not saturating the tissues enough). In the NICU babies needed to go 5 days without any desaturation episodes before they could be discharged to go home. This was our day! We signed all the discharge papers and took our baby girl home.
The first few weeks at home came with a lot of emotions. During our time in the hospital and NICU I never really felt any baby blues. Perhaps this was because we were always surrounded by people, the adrenaline was always high and it really felt like we were doing the bare minimum to care for Harley. Bringing her home was scary. We found ourselves constantly checking that she was breathing and bought the Owlet sock monitor for her to wear at all times to ensure her oxygen levels were okay. In the first month at home she had about 8 "desats" during feedings and the alarm on her Owlet sock would go off blaring. It was scary and tense but we knew she'd outgrow it and she did.
Being at home felt so quiet and strange! It felt a lot more lonely and I was nervous to leave the house with her for quite a few weeks. I remember sitting at home on May Long Weekend; it was a beautiful sunny day and as I scrolled through Instagram seeing everyone sitting out on patios with cold drinks I thought to myself "wow, this is life now." That was probably my most lonely and blue post-partum moment and I've been so fortunate not to have had any PPD.
Fast forward five months and here we are now! We feel like ourselves again and the NICU trauma really does feel like a distant memory. Harley has no outstanding issues from her pre-mature birth and is fully healthy, praise God. She is amazing and we can't believe how much love she has brought to our family. She is energetic, bright, always smiling and always happy. She's not the greatest sleeper ... but she's just a baby right? Haha. She's also been almost exclusively breastfed up until this point which is now posing to be a bit of an issue when she needs to take a bottle for a sitter but we are working on it! She's amazing to travel with and so easy going. We've taken her to Portland, California and will be taking her to Mexico this winter. She loves people and anyone can hold her without a fuss. She's our everything.
Having a pre-mature baby this year was definitely not anything we could've prepared for. At the end of the day this is what kept us grounded:
"God knew that Harley Bell was coming on March 15th, 2019 at only 31 weeks. We didn't know it but he always knew!"
If you've been following along our journey, thank you. If you've sent loving messages, thank you. Miracles do happen.
XO
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“A heartbreak isn’t always as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes, it could be as quiet as a feather falling and nobody hears it except you.” Anyone who knows Terri knows how much heartbreak she has faced in her life. She has spoken so openly to all of us sharing her vulnerability, as she knows being alone with your pain isn’t a nice place to be. In turn she has helped so many…now it’s our turn to help her. Terri and I have known each other for many years, she is best friends with one of my cousins, but we became much closer when in March 2017, I had just lost my first precious angel baby and posted about my grief and pain; Terri reached out to say she had also just miscarried. Through our shared grief we formed a strong bond and from that a real friendship grew. We would talk daily and we helped guide each other towards the light on some of the darkest days of our lives. Terri and I both went on to miscarry two more babies each. All of our miscarriages were around a similar time to each other, and we both still say that we are so thankful we had each other to get through our heartbreak. In May 2019 I finally welcomed my beautiful daughter Harriet-Terri into the world. My precious baby has healed my broken heart, I have never known a love like it, she brings light into every single day, and that’s what I want for Terri. Terri has been under fertility hospitals since 2013, she firstly had 6 months of a fertility drug to help produce more eggs, sadly this didn’t work. She was then accepted for IVF, but heartbreakingly her beautiful baby sister passed away. For obvious reasons having a baby was the last thing on Terri’s mind, she needed to grieve. In 2016 Terri and Wayne got married and felt ready to continue on their IVF journey. The first round produced 4 embryos, sadly one didn’t take and three resulted in miscarriages. After Terri’s third miscarriage the hospital ran more tests and discovered she had a balanced translocation; an abnormality between two chromosomes which means if Terri releases an egg containing the abnormal chromosomes her body miscarries. Following on from this, the next step was to have pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (PGD IVF), this is where they collect and check eggs to check for any abnormalities. Unfortunately, the Liverpool Women’s hospital don’t specialise in this treatment and so Terri and Wayne were then transferred to Guys and St. Thomas hospital in London. Terri has had two more rounds of PGD IVF which have both heartbreakingly failed to produce any “good eggs”. Since the discovery of the BT, Terri has also been told she has low Anti-Mullerian Hormone or AMH and low follicle count which means her egg reserve is low and the eggs in which she does produce are of poor quality. Initially Terri was told she had a 1in8 chance of getting a good egg, but because of the three things stacked against her, the odds are now very low. Terri and Wayne have been trying now for 7 years and it has really created a sadness that they don’t deserve, despite this Terri never lets go of the hope and belief that she will be a mum! They have both now come to the conclusion that donor eggs are their best option of ever having a baby considering everything that is against them, and having exhausted all possible avenues for using Terri’s own eggs. The process to have a donor egg is so expensive and this is why I am trying to raise what they need which is ?20,000. It took a lot of persuasion to eventually get Terri to agree to me doing this for them. They didn’t want to feel like they were asking for handouts and were determined to save the money they need themselves however, this would take them years to save that kind of money. They have been through so much and experienced more heartache than most go through in their entire lives, let alone a few years as they have! Terri is one of the nicest, kindest and most authentic souls you’ll ever meet. She would do anything for anyone and is so supportive to others even when she is going through her own struggles, I have experienced this love for others first hand. So, this is my payback to Terri for being there for me and helping me through my darkest days. She doesn’t believe that we’ll raise the ?20,000 but I want to prove her wrong. I really want Terri to realise how loved she is by so many and how many people want this baby for her. I know not everyone who loves this gorgeous couple will be in a position to donate, if not thank you for being here, please share and keep them in your thoughts If I can help to raise this money for them and they get their longed for baby then their lives would be complete with their baby. Thank you for reading our fund page and thanks in advance from the bottom of my heart for each and every donation we receive. Imagine helping to create a life by bringing a baby into the world and making two very special people parents with your donation. There is no better gift! Thank you ?
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